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Why Adulterers Cheat

“Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition in which there is an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one’s self.” (

A few of its symptoms are: Narcissists take advantage of other people to achieve their own goals – are preoccupied with fantasies of ideal love – require constant attention – disregard the feelings of others – lack empathy – and pursue mainly selfish goals.

Let’s review a few of the symptoms of narcissism as they pertain to adultery:

1. Takes advantage of others to achieve their own goals:

Adultery, at the least, takes advantage of spouses and children; and it’s done for the sole purpose of achieving a sexual relationship that we value more than everything else in this world…and the next.

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of ideal love:

As a Christian lay minister/counselor, I have come to know that adulterers, once having made the fatal decision to betray their families, can literally think of nothing except their new “soul mate.” Every act and thought is devoted to their next tryst. Once that relationship collapses, which it almost always does, they go from one adultery to the next, never finding the true love they say they so desperately seek.

3. Requires constant attention:

Adulterers, whether male or female, are high-maintenance people. As they put themselves first in all things, they find it hard to believe that others don’t have the same reverence to what they perceive to be the natural order of things. They are, in their own little worlds, more important than everyone they know, including God.

4. Disregards the feelings of others:

Virtually all adulteries end in divorce. The statistics regarding the effect of divorce on children are devastating and not debatable. Unlike the self-serving rationalizations of the “I can have it all” adulterer, society has been forced to understand that most children never recover from the betrayal of adultery.

One woman told me, when questioned about her numerous adulteries, that she had a right to be happy. It never occurred to her and others like her, that in any decent society, no one has a right to be happy at the expense of others.

5. Lacks empathy:

There is probably no single emotion (other than the death of a loved one) more devastating than betrayal, especially when we are betrayed by the person with whom we had children and shared deep personal intimacies, and who promised to be faithful until death, no matter what.

But an adulterer never thinks of the consequences to others. Simply put, they just don’t care. Everything must be subordinated to their wants. It is impossible for them to be empathetic, as all their emotions are directed inward.

6. Pursues mainly selfish goals:

Adultery is nothing if not pure selfishness. It is the worship of self to a degree that it is unfathomable to most of us.

As a society we’ve tried everything to make adultery acceptable and hip, and those who cling to their wedding vows are ridiculed in order to give comfort to those who lie and cheat.

But that doesn’t change the truth — even the adulterer knows what they are doing is wrong. If they thought they were doing nothing wrong, there would be no reason to lie as all adulterers do.

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of narcissism, as even the psychiatric community begrudgingly admits, is that there is no cure. There are questionable treatments, like never-ending psychotherapy, but there is no cure.

The medical community fails because it treats the worldly manifestations, when the real problem is spiritual — and for that we must turn to God.

As bad as the sin of adultery is, the psychiatric profession has under-estimated its true potential to destroy not only the victims of the narcissist, but the narcissist as well. “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He [who] does so destroys his own soul.” (Proverbs 6:32 NKJV) Adultery never ends well — for anyone.

So, as they said in the movie, “Houston, we have a problem.”

Narcissists, blinded by their selfishness, commit adultery without being able to see the potential danger. When they come to understand they’ve taken a wrong turn in their lives, usually after they are caught, they invariably turn to the medical profession (psychiatry) that, as noted, quietly admits that there is little it can do.

There is an old joke that goes, “What’s the difference between God and a doctor?” Answer: “God doesn’t think he’s a doctor.” Put another way, those of us of faith know that God can do what man cannot. “But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With men [it is] impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.’” (Mark 10:27)

It is impossible to be a narcissist and a practicing Christian at the same time. They are mutually exclusive. On the other hand, when God, instead of self, becomes the center of our universe, suddenly the natural flow of life becomes obvious — and makes sense.

Psychiatrists and psychologists cannot cure our choice to be selfish at the expense of others, but God can and will.

The $8 Million National Healthy Worksite Program – Will It Make Any Difference? Probably Not

Introduction: An Experimental Initiative for Worker Health Promotion

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has placed a bet on the corporate health promotion business with an $8 million injection of funds made possible by the Affordable Care Act (ACA). It is called the National Healthy Worksite Wellness Program or NHWP. The goal is to reduce chronic disease among Americans.
The three areas of emphasis are nutrition, exercise and smoking cessation.

Some might view the goal of less chronic disease and the nature of the three-part emphasis as consistent with and likely to include positive REAL wellness, activities that promote high quality of life outcomes. I would not be among them. Some might view any distinctions between reducing chronic disease and advancing quality of life as quibbling over semantics. I think the difference matters a lot, for it reflects an unfortunate fact, namely, that the new worksite initiative is likely to consist of more medical screenings, more preaching against bad habits and more lamentations about the perils of high risk indicators.

When I first heard about NHWP, I had hoped it might bring more education, incentives and support for personal effectiveness. I hoped for goals addressed to increased happiness, life satisfaction and similar elements addressed to the art and science of advancing reason/exuberance/athleticism and liberty. Perhaps this will have to wait for another day, another program. But, maybe not. Let’s look closer at the announcements about the NHWP.

The CDC, VHM and the Participating Communities

CDC will be working with 104 organizations; the program will be administered by Viridian Health Management, henceforth VHM.

VHM describes itself as a healthcare company focused on improving individual and population health through health coaching, an integrative approach to wellness, powerful technology and analytics. VHM announced the selection of the 104 employer organizations that will participate in the NHWP located within the eight counties or “participating communities.”

The eight counties are as follows: Buchanan County, Mo.; Harris County, Texas; Kern County, Calif.; Marion County, Ind.; Philadelphia County, Pa.; Pierce County, Wash.; Shelby County, Tenn.; and Somerset County, Maine. The basis of selection consisted primarily of the presence in each area of high rates of chronic disease.


The NHWP program is a product of the double-edged sword ACA guidelines:

Early worksite wellness exercise program

Companies can charge workers with unhealthy lifestyles up to 30 percent more for medical insurance but they also must offer health improvement programs. Speaking of such swords, here’s a little good news, bad news courtesy of the Rand Corporation. As of 2010, 92 percent of employers with more than 200 employees offered wellness programs. That’s good. But, this is not – only 20 percent of employees participate! And this is worse – these programs have been found not to be effective in any event! In other words, it would not have mattered much if 100 percent of workers participated – they don’t work!

Actually, full participation would have mattered – costs would have been about five times greater.

As expressed in an article in Healthline News, the most targeted employee behaviors were exercising, smoking and losing weight-the same issues addressed by the new CDC program. Is that the kiss of death or what? Remember, these are the issues that attracted the participation of only 20 percent of workers and that did not work! (Source: Brian Krans, Workplace Wellness Programs: Do They Work? Healthline News, June 11, 2013.)

So much for more screenings, more preaching against bad habits and more lamentations about the perils of high risk indicators.

I do hope the CDC folks expect more of VHM for their $8 million under the NHWP initiative. REAL wellness, anyone?

Be weller than well, if you can and at least look on the bright side, to the extent possible.

Gastric Sleeve Surgery to Kick Start Weight Loss

Gastric sleeve surgery, also known as tube gastrectomy, is a weight-loss surgical procedure that involves removing a large portion of the stomach in order to induce weight shedding in severely obese patients. OSSANZ (the Obesity Surgery Society of Australia and New Zealand) claims that in the first 1 to 2 years, patients on average lose 40-60% of excess weight with this procedure.

Basically, a large portion of the stomach is removed along the major curve and the remaining parts are then stitched together in the shape of a tube or sleeve. This reduces stomach size so that the patient feels fuller after eating smaller meals. In fact the amount of food that can be taken in is often only about 10% of that which could be consume before the procedure. The technique also removes the portion of the stomach that produces hunger-inducing hormones thereby helping to control appetite. It is performed laparoscopically, meaning using minimally invasive methods, which also allows for a quicker recovery. Sometimes it is used as part of a two-phase operation in conjunction with gastric bypass, particularly in patients who have a BMI of greater than 60.

According the, many employees in the U.S. are now missing work days due to obesity-related illness to the point of costing employers more than $13 billion per year. There’s little doubt that a similar problem is developing in other western countries. Obesity and the complications from it are becoming more common than at any time in history. While we have solved the issue of inadequate food, we have at the same time created a new problem thanks to excess food and sedentary occupations and means of travel. With more food intake and less daily exercise, it’s not hard to see why our society in general is becoming obese each year.

Of course the best way to deal with this problem on an individual level is through diet and exercise. However for some people, attempts result in continual failure as they go through the yo-yo effect of losing weight and putting it back on again. Their weight often increases over time, despite frequent dieting.

Gastric sleeve is quite a radical surgical procedure but it can help the severely obese to lose weight quite quickly and effectively. It is not a solution on its own as it requires the co-operation of the patient in changing their lifestyle and diet. Unlike gastric banding, the operation is permanent and irreversible.

All surgery carries some degree of risk and it is important to be well-informed of this if you are considering gastric sleeve surgery to help you lose weight and improve your health. The important thing is to discuss it thoroughly with a specialist medical professional and consider your options before making a decision. If you have struggled for years to lose weight and your health is failing as a result, gastric sleeve surgery may well be an option.